home. puking in laundry basket.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
