What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
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