my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
