Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
