someone threw a dead crab at me
What a fucking waste of an outfit
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize