Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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