My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I have tasted many bathrooms
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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