I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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