Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
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