good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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