paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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