He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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