At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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