Screwed.edu
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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