You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
