But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Im just a social blackout drinker.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
