He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
