Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
