she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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