i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I think I died a long time ago.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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