Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
