I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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