I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
