She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
