Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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