D3 body, D1 cock
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
