i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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