whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
