vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
