I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
