we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
