Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize