shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
