I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
