STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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