I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
