okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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