so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
We need a shit load of segways right now
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
