Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
