I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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