hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
