just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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