She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
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