Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
