Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
