My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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