Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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