Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
