Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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