I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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