Three words: puerto rican gang bang
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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