last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
