Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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