I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
