you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
