Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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