I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
