the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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