It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
