NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize