We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize