new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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