yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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