got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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