you mean i was at the winter classic?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Randomize
