Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize