your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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