I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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