Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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