i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
