mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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